Old man Frank goes and gets a loan from the bank to buy a high priced bull. A few days later, the banker comes along and asks, "How's our bull doing?" Frank says, "Our bull ain't doing too good. I got him out there in the pasture with a bunch of young cows and he don't want nothing to do with them." The banker says, "You better call the veterinarian." A couple of days later, the banker comes along again and says, "How's our bull doing now?" Frank says, "Plenty darn good. He has done serviced all of my cows, jumped the fence, and is working on the neighbors' cows." The banker says, "Wow! What did the vet give him?" Frank says, "He gave him some pills." The banker says, "What kind of pills?" Frank says, "I don't know, but they tasted sort of like peppermint." |
An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is. "These, senor," replied the waiter in broken English, "are the cojones, how you say, the testicles, of the bull killed in the ring today." The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious. So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item. When it is served, he says to the waiter, "These cojones, or whatever you call them...are much smaller than the ones I had last night." "Yes, senor," replied the waiter, "You see...the bull, he does not always lose." |
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened that is so horrible? Farmer: Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I go the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over. Man: That's not so bad, what's the big deal? Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So then what happened. Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over. Man: Again? Farmer: Some things ya just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. Man: So then what did you do? Farmer: I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocks over the bucket with her tail. Man: Wow you must have been pretty upset! Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So then what did you do? Farmer: Well I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in. |
It's the late 1800's. Sister Noreen turns ninety-five, so the local doctor comes to call. The doctor says, "You're in pretty good health, but I suggest you take a shot of whiskey twice a day to relax." She says, "Oh, I could never be lured into worldly pleasures, doctor." The doctor tells the Mother Superior, and she says, "Don't you be worrying, doctor. Sister Noreen loves milk. I'll have the kitchen spike her milk twice a day." A year later, Sister Noreen is on her death bed. The Mother Superior says, "Sister Noreen, would you like to leave us with any words of wisdom?" Sister Noreen croaks out, "....Don't....ever....sell....that... cow..." |
